That Saturday afternoon 12.30 had arrived again, it was a blustery and dismal day when the roggie boys rolled up to the club. Clearly, there was some disarray on certain team members faces at the fact their beloved manager big trev was missing, apparently he was off playing pin the tail on the donkey and musical bumps at a gay love madigras with some truckers. It was therefore left to big kev to fill his mighty boots with the willing and able help of Ray “the grim reaper” Louis and Ceri weren’t sure that Ray was more happy at helping out with coaching the firsts or the fact that he was going to have a shower with the lads after the game!

The round 2 hour trip to sudbrook was going to be tough and took its toll early on alfie red card, ian (I can actually open my eyes this week) and the cage fighter as they had stopped in the tranquil village of rogiet ( I know it sounds similar boys) on the way there to share a vanilla mr whippy with 2 flakes and little bobbly bits!!! And a dime bar….. on a park bench with a lonely toothless oap and a shaven scabby hound Luckily Louis, Shrewy Nathan and Ceri had packed some apples and squash as the journey was a long one!

A nervous aurora spread across the dressing room which was fuller than a east 17 concert packed with louis and his many chums signing solo renditions of “stay another day” to impress the girlies.

The few absentees’ were still missing however including

Jhonny – I am off making home made Christmas cards for my family

Marc the rock – I am in Vegas marrying my internet webcam butty in a chapel

During the warm up our only supporter alfie senior could be seen pacing the touchline going “up and down” like a turd in the Thames sweating beads at the thought of conceding yet more goals in the league!

We lined up in a 4-4-2 formation and no sooner had the game begun from a well placed cross, the ball had floated over Jons head! With a hiss and a boo the roggie subs had lifted their pink fluffy pig shaped earmuffs and shouted pull yourself together boys we can do it!

After 10 minutes of too-ing and fro-ing the team gelled like the formidable brylcream and fit ceri’s hairpiece, not only had cezze managed to gift the sudbrook players 47 passes to their feet in the first 9 minutes of the game the heavens opened and a sweet little angel looked down with those lovey-dovey eyes and inspired ceri to actually find a roggie team mate! With this, louis squealed like a pig as his boyfriend had remembered his true lovers.

A few early chances evaded the goal but up stepped Mr moobs Rich with a trademark “u can score 30 goals a season from the back stick” Bobby Anderson shout header. Was 1-1 and Roggie had settled. After a Brazilian like 35 pass move James “ I like Bacardi’s and cherries I doos” strode forward and slotted the ball neatly to the suave shrew who fired the ball across goal into the side netting.

2nd half kicked off and no, sooner than it had shrew made a ferociousous and bone crunching tackle on half way that left a ripped hamstring and a leg hanging on by one piece of skin. He regained consciousness and ran thru on goal only to square to rich who neatly slotted home in an empty net.

With the eerie walk back to halfway shrewy could hear a solo rendition of Whitney’s greatest hit “I will always love u” being serenaded to him.

Another bone crunching tackle from cookie whilst louis was off picking daisies for his home made gift service a clear cut chance was saved.

BANG CRASH WALLOP YELP a sniper had shot moorsey, but the realisation a colossus burly worm had bitten off half of his ankle and he was outta the game. Whilst this was going on ceri had lost his mind and was blowing kisses to the opposition as if he was gazing into cliff Richards eyes whilst he was singing mistletoe and wine. Ceri then felt a soft feather blow in his back and blasted forward as if he had been hit by a soft buzzy bee carrying pollen on its back. He fell to the ground with a thump and shouted, “I HATE YOU”

IT was then 3-2 and set up a nervous last 5 minutes. 30 seconds to go and the cage fighter switched off and a corner came over and he reached for the ball as if it were a cherry being picked from one of the orchard he visits on a Sunday evening………ooooooohhhhhhhh the was a silence as the whistle blew…..kev looked nervous as he felt an unearthly feeling thud to the base of his soft French panties. Thankfully the Ref, Batties long lost Venezuelan dad blew for a free kick!

The game had finished, Roggie were moving on up!

After the game the reaper quickly ran back to the changing rooms, whipped off his trackie put on his little waterproof slippers with my little pony on and hair net and jumped into the shower. As the Roggie players filed into the changing room Reaper was singing his little heart out……..”I am naked ra cha cha” boomed Reaper “water water splash on my head”………..weeeeeeeeeeee………….after 10 minutes of this noone had got into the showers as they were indeed scared. “louis, Ceri, Shrewy…………..do u want me to wash your backs” With that the 3 Roggie boys whipped off their clothes and ran into the showers. Ceri slipped on the soap………weeeeee bang wot a great way to finish off a win!!